While I think this is one of the coolest pictures I've ever seen... He has them backwards based on the fact that black seems much more aggressive and manly

l;kajsdf;lkajsd;flkjs df AKA random bullshit

So... here I am... yet again, on the verge of a massive post... unsure of where to start and where to end. What tales shall I tell in our time together here and now.... Well lets just start with being up front. I have found myself in a valley. It's a nice valley but its still a valley. The thing is, I honestly let myself into the valley. I came up to the edge and it looked pretty. So I went out and got a hang glider and just jumped.

Ok not quite but this is how it all really plays out. I've not been keeping up on my workouts lately... like at all. I've not been keeping up on fellow members posts... like at all. I've not been following my pre determined diet... like at all. And yet, I continue to lose weight. The reason you ask? Well quite simply I'm still eating right. I am not working out and I continue to lose weight. This is of course no surprise to me. I quickly learned far back that exercise pales in comparison to a healthy diet. The exercise is meant to keep you lean and strong, agile and swift.

The whole reason this all came to be... well heres a scenario that has and hasn't happened. Its more so a collection of thoughts and experiences to get the point across. I have the intention to be spending the night at Billy's house on a friday or a saturday and everyone is home for the weekend from college and I just got home from work and its already 10:00 I have not eaten in hours because I rarely get breaks at work because working Back of the House at Panera Bread here in Grand Blanc has me in around 4:45-5:30 and I work for 5-6 hours straight. Thusly I don't get the chance to eat if I don't get a break. Well its late and I'm hungry, and I just want to see my friends. So I drive out to Billy's and they have pizza on the table. Wtfyou pizza is my first thought. So I skip out on the pizza and just make a tuna fish or chicken breast based dip, some olive oil based mayo, reduced fat, some garlic, some onion powder... the works. That tides me over for a while. Morning arises and I've clearly not prepared any meals/brought them with me. So I have some biscuits and gravy because everyone is here and I wish to enjoy this moment with all of my friends.

This is how I want to spend my time after KFB, I want to be able to say yes to the right things and no to the wrong things. DUH. I mean with a little more leniency than acceptable in the program :). So I think to myself. Why not start now. Continue on KFB, keep up the blog, eat healthy, do the workouts and whatnot, but I will consume food as I would see fit after KFB.

This is where everything kind of starts falling apart... ok I just typed like 5 paragraphs after this one and I now realize that I still have like 5 or more to go to simply hit up all the points on one topic. A very personal topic that involves my best friend and things he may or may not want on the internet because its basically our life story over the last 6 months... To put it simply there is alot and it all makes me very sad. More sad than I've ever been in my entire life. Words can not describe how I feel when I really start thinking about it all... and the worst part is I feel like I can't even talk to the source of the problem. I'm afraid it would only make things worse or that I would break down even more and actually off myself. Its hard to say...

but the point in all of this is that a few things have been going on to affect my KFB in a negative way. I've been very sad and stressed because of alot of things involving my best friend and I don't even know if he's aware or not. I've been smoking alot lately which gets in the way of my workouts because I end up making myself busy with other things. This brings me great dismay because I was on top of the world. I felt like this was the time. Here and now. Everything changes for the better.... and yet... its all falling on top of me and its suffocating me.

I'm sorry you guys, I've not been strong enough. I intend on picking back up on my workouts and getting back into the groove of things. Its going to be rough and I know I'm going to make more mistakes, but bare with me as I tag along on this journey. I may not have the ability to fully commit to everything but I'll do my best.

7 days makes one weak!

I did not realize it had been over a week since I last posted... life sometimes can catch you by surprise and just sweep you away.... It can be hard sometimes, sometimes we try to swim back upstream and we exhaust ourselves... I think in the end it is just easiest to let the water take you, to fully immerse yourself in it, to truly be there and experience it for what it is. This is part of our KFB in a sense and it may have affected my current mindset. I will try to get back to a post reiterating what I've been going through lately. Lots of surprises possibly. We'll have to see how it goes :)

Noticeable changes

I've lost 10 pounds since about a week or 2 ago. I'm down to 190 officially and I can see it! I seem so slim now and all my pants are already falling off my ass because I started losing weight before I even started

Mindful Consumption

My mindful consumption was pumpkin pie. One of the greatest things ever. I used splenda and didn't use a crust. That means that I am just eating some vegetables and eggs! Pumpkin Pie is truly godsend. I do believe I could eat it for breakfast every morning and hit up all the requirements if I ate some bread with it or something. I shall look into this wonderful idea. I haven't had it in a long time which made it a treat... but I would love to pursue this idea in the future. Pumpkin pie rocks my body in all the right places.

Pondering is all I've got

So I'm at a loss in the sense that I don't really know what I want... I mean the only thing that I can think of that I've wanted in a while is Pumpkin pie... but I work tomorrow night which means I'd have to make it AFTER work and thats a bit late to be baking... maybe I'll put this off till monday and actually make a delicious wonder... Ironic that I came here to say I didn't know what I wanted and it turned into me talking to myself as to what I wanted to do lol. I am happy with it though, the title remains :)

Yet another concoction :P

So we had leftover steak with sauteed onions and mushrooms so I've been pecking away at that over the last few days. Today for lunch there wasn't quite enough of either to stand alone so I minced it all up and threw it in the frying pan with some diced up yellow bell pepper and 2 eggs to set me over on meh protein and vegs. Off to the side is some Cheddar Potato bread from the Great Harvest in town :) yummmay

DEM KNEES!

So I am weary of going full workout the next couple days because lately the inside tendons/ligaments of my knees feel very off... strained maybe  from pushing myself too hard on kicks idk... But both feel like they want to give on me after a long day, like today, I worked a double. I am going to do the upper body workouts an avoid kicks/leg swings for a little while. I am still going to stretch though because I can only imagine that will help relieve any discomfort. YEAH HERO'S POSE!!!... and wide angle forward bend... because of love it so much

Breakfast for champs!

So now that I have my wonderful scale, as you can see on the right, I weighed out 118 grams out of my 120 for carbs as 2 slices of rye bread from PANERA BREAD, where I work. I have 60 grams of spinach, and 90 grams of red onion, sorry I missed the last 10 I needed, and 2 eggs with some garlic powder, a little cajun seasoning for zest and some onion powder cuz onions are just amazing. on the left is a HUGE cup of chai tea... I used a few splenda packets and my 300 ml of milk to cool it down. Now I have a beautiful breakfast and one that I must say is quite delicious :)

SCALEAGE!!!

BWAHAHAHA I have finally bought a scale... and to be honest I feel like I've been underfeeding myself in some places and over in others lol. A little too much fruit, and MUCH too little carbs... in terms of veggies its different from day to day based on what my mother has brought home, but I've been getting alot more veggies into my diet lately

Overwhelming Sorrow

I was scrolling down Jenny's page trying to play catch up and read her Sadness post... weeeelll

To put it simply I'm a very strong guy. I don't mean physically, although among my peers I'm only matched by my friends who took judo, or jujitsu, taekwondo, or simply work out, I mean I am emotionally and mentally strong. Now ever dam will break eventually as water does its thing. Its only natural. I am also a very sensitive guy but I keep it all together. I can put on a great facade :).

Now mind you it is very uncommon for me to be filled with sadness, or overwhelmed by sorrow. The only times I can remember shedding any tears over the last 5 years are when I experienced my first failed relationship... I was head over heels for that girl :P... when my uncle died... I only shed a single tear. When my mother gave my dog that I had as my best friend for 7 years to the humane society because of some things that went down with the poor creature. Oh how I loved that dog. And once again when my last relationship also failed. thats a total of 4 maybe 5 times... only once a year. 

The thing is... just as any dam will break some day... My dam is very large and holds alot of water. When that thing finally cracks it is just a torrent. Now I'm sure this is because I hold everything in and I know its not a good thing.... but I've been adapting my view on life and the world it seems that I even need to hold anything in anymore. I'm just rarely affected anymore. These last 2 years have changed me in ways that even I don't understand

... but last night... I walked into work completely fine. I clocked in did some dishes and started thinking. I practically meditate when I'm at work lol. I just sit and think about EVERYTHING. Well there have been some events in my life involving some people close to me... I've developed some views on religion, life, the human race... all that jibber jabber..., well something specific happened two nights ago that kind of put things into a really bad perspective for me. It was like some hidden lake from deep within held up by high walls on all sides was trying to crash down all around me.

I couldn't let this happen... I was at work for christ sake. I had a job to do. I JUST CLOCKED IN! It was a late shift to boot and there was work to be done D8<. I didn't shed one tear last night even though I battled with this lake for a good hour. I know I am supposed to let these emotions out but the fact that the things I was even thinking about actually affected me is almost repulsive to me in some ways.... to be honest I think I may be a schizo because I care about people, I'm a giver. I could get into a huge speel on psycology and how I am always giving and blah blah blah but at the same time I've recently developed a very negative view. Its a belief that nothing matters. people don't matter, live die, its all the same. Its all the same in the fact that I don't believe it could matter. This is a multi hour long conversation mind you and it is not meant to be spoken via text... theres just too much. Too many thoughts to be portrayed by our languages. The english language can not comprehend the things that go on in my mind. 

Point is that I too was very sad recently and I am not entirely sure why it came upon me like it did... why it came out of no where with full force like a sledge hammer just whacking away at my thoughts. I couldn't escape it.. Some very dark things were thought last night, things I know better than to think. I will make it through this program a better man. I will be strong. 

One day I will conquer my mind body and soul. When that day comes, nothing will stop me.

SO MANY EGGS!

So in a healthy diet many many people consume eggs for a low calorie, low fat, source of protein. How can you blame them? It is the INCREDIBLE EDIBLE EGG of course! DUH. I love eggs, I will never stop eating eggs. I was scrolling along on facebook when this video was posted by a friend of mine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jerdA9s5dDc

While I agree this is the definition of the word cruel... I am in no way startled, angered, hurt, or am I ever going to stop eating eggs. However to those of whom do care after seeing this video...

My point is that I don't want you guys to be ignorant. I want you to realize that while this does happen its not every single producer or company that does this kind of shit. Its that in every industry. You can have a good or a bad drug dealer for christ sake. Some may seek to give the best in every way to their customer and it just so happens that you can buy from such companies and get your eggs ever so safely. You just need to seek out a way to put the guilt behind you by finding such providers as those that raise free range hens and whatnot

I... am... HEEEEERE... on day 15 :)

Oh it feels good to be loved, missed, anywhere in between :).

I've been busy as of late... seeing as to how the colder weather is rolling in it affects us all in it's own way... well for me its not just the cold, its my father. You see my father is a summer, warm weather, sit out in the sun kind of guy. Well he hates winter and complains about it all year... yes even in the summer because if its summer that means that its almost winter and he abandons all hope of happiness. Well you're probably curious as to how this not only affects me but as to how it actually pertains to KFB... well thats the next topic and I wish to continue droning on as the suspense rises... and rises... and... fine I'll tell you :)

Quite simply the moment the cold shows its face my father retreats into the "MAN CAVE" aka our finished basement with the desktop, a 52" plasma, PS3, surround sound, and to finish it off... a fireplace :). Well he loves to sit and play Diablo 2 and consume the desktop while watching football. This would normally have not affected me in the least but my laptop charger died about a month ago and I am going through hell and back to try and get my SECOND replacement charger because the first one I bought was a POS! and it crapped out on me on the second day -_-.... wtf. So I emailed them about it. They knew what was wrong and said they'd send a new one out ASAP... well I'm yet to recieve ANYTHING... I email them and I get nothing... I email them AGAIN and get nothing... this is the point where I get on AMAZON and write out reallllly nasty, yet truthful, reviews for the product at hand.

So if you haven't pieced it together yet, father on Diablo 2 all day means no time on computer to talk with friends and update blog and give out equal support D8>... I am a very sad panda as I will not be the weak link on this team... in fact I seek to make sure we are all equally strong! WE SHALL BE UNBREAKABLE... fuck you superman you ain't got shit on us!

In terms of the diet and I must say that I have been rather successful in punching the devil in the face everytime he tries to tempt me. Last night the fucker didn't even knock.... instead he deviously implanted an idea into my friends mind to try to get me. A fellow co-worker bought the most delicious looking pizza I have ever laid my eyes on (with exception to only one). It was from a newer place in town and he ordered a thin crust pepperoni pizza with garlic breadsticks and their signature parmesan, garlic, creamcheese spread. I've never had Guido's Pizza yet, but I've heard great things and now that I've had a look I understand why. At first I was like NO. Josh was like c'mon Bobby, I bought this for you... indirectly. He bought it for the whole crew last night but I'm one of his favorite co-workers and he was trying to get me to eat the pizza he spent money for. I started reasoning with myself. Well it would be a small slice... and it looks amazing... I really did want to try Guido's before KFB started... Josh did pay for it out of pocket... hmmm... WAIT. I can't say yes! That's right! This is a game, one that I shall win. If I can say no to this then I'll gain like a bajillion levels in the mental strength stat! Lol I didn't really put it that way but its the same concept. I can't say yes to this because then I've lost. All my fretting to say no up to that point would have been for naught and I would be a weaker person because of it. To my satisfaction I never gave in.... though it looked and smelled just amazing. The one exception to the pizza last night was a pizza I had at a real nice place in town called Redwood Lodge. They have their own brewery and everything. Y'know the overpriced nice food. Well I ordered a personal pizza with pesto for the sauce, asiago, parmesan, romano cheese to top it, with roasted marinated tomatoes, basil leaves, and roasted garlic chunks. Oh for the love of god that had to have been the most delicious creation to have every graced my taste buds. It was phenomenal, hands down. If we ever have to do an indulgence in this program then I think it may just have to be that pizza again. I had thought of doing a burger from Red Robin or Ruby Tuesday but looking back those aren't true indulgences... not compared to that amazing bruschetta based pizza.

GO TEAM UNBREAKABLE CHAIN...?!