So... here I am... yet again, on the verge of a massive post... unsure of where to start and where to end. What tales shall I tell in our time together here and now.... Well lets just start with being up front. I have found myself in a valley. It's a nice valley but its still a valley. The thing is, I honestly let myself into the valley. I came up to the edge and it looked pretty. So I went out and got a hang glider and just jumped.
Ok not quite but this is how it all really plays out. I've not been keeping up on my workouts lately... like at all. I've not been keeping up on fellow members posts... like at all. I've not been following my pre determined diet... like at all. And yet, I continue to lose weight. The reason you ask? Well quite simply I'm still eating right. I am not working out and I continue to lose weight. This is of course no surprise to me. I quickly learned far back that exercise pales in comparison to a healthy diet. The exercise is meant to keep you lean and strong, agile and swift.
The whole reason this all came to be... well heres a scenario that has and hasn't happened. Its more so a collection of thoughts and experiences to get the point across. I have the intention to be spending the night at Billy's house on a friday or a saturday and everyone is home for the weekend from college and I just got home from work and its already 10:00 I have not eaten in hours because I rarely get breaks at work because working Back of the House at Panera Bread here in Grand Blanc has me in around 4:45-5:30 and I work for 5-6 hours straight. Thusly I don't get the chance to eat if I don't get a break. Well its late and I'm hungry, and I just want to see my friends. So I drive out to Billy's and they have pizza on the table. Wtfyou pizza is my first thought. So I skip out on the pizza and just make a tuna fish or chicken breast based dip, some olive oil based mayo, reduced fat, some garlic, some onion powder... the works. That tides me over for a while. Morning arises and I've clearly not prepared any meals/brought them with me. So I have some biscuits and gravy because everyone is here and I wish to enjoy this moment with all of my friends.
This is how I want to spend my time after KFB, I want to be able to say yes to the right things and no to the wrong things. DUH. I mean with a little more leniency than acceptable in the program :). So I think to myself. Why not start now. Continue on KFB, keep up the blog, eat healthy, do the workouts and whatnot, but I will consume food as I would see fit after KFB.
This is where everything kind of starts falling apart... ok I just typed like 5 paragraphs after this one and I now realize that I still have like 5 or more to go to simply hit up all the points on one topic. A very personal topic that involves my best friend and things he may or may not want on the internet because its basically our life story over the last 6 months... To put it simply there is alot and it all makes me very sad. More sad than I've ever been in my entire life. Words can not describe how I feel when I really start thinking about it all... and the worst part is I feel like I can't even talk to the source of the problem. I'm afraid it would only make things worse or that I would break down even more and actually off myself. Its hard to say...
but the point in all of this is that a few things have been going on to affect my KFB in a negative way. I've been very sad and stressed because of alot of things involving my best friend and I don't even know if he's aware or not. I've been smoking alot lately which gets in the way of my workouts because I end up making myself busy with other things. This brings me great dismay because I was on top of the world. I felt like this was the time. Here and now. Everything changes for the better.... and yet... its all falling on top of me and its suffocating me.
I'm sorry you guys, I've not been strong enough. I intend on picking back up on my workouts and getting back into the groove of things. Its going to be rough and I know I'm going to make more mistakes, but bare with me as I tag along on this journey. I may not have the ability to fully commit to everything but I'll do my best.
First of all, nothing to apologize for. You are here, you are doing it. We all fuck up, and no one needs to judge anyone; you especially don't need to judge yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou just do what you can. You try to stick with KFB, and you learn what you learn. There is no "success" just like there is no "failure", you just keep plodding on; some days better than others.
We are past 1/3 but not quite to 1/2 yet...it's a good valley time I think. Weather is closer to winter than summer, days shorter, less sunlight, work sucks, economy is crap, pizza is tempting, hot breakfasts on a cold morning are best with gravy...
Just do what ya can, bro. We got yer back. And remember how good it feels to open up and wail that little ball on a string!
arigato gozaimasu :)
ReplyDeleteThe reason why I feel defeated is because I know better, I know we all make mistakes but being a 19 year old male I'm supposed to be INVINCIBLE! I am perfect and can do no wrong!... yeah I know I'm not :) but I shall take strides in its favor
I think this is meant to be like meditation, right? The point is not falling off the log, but remembering to get back on it once you've fallen.
ReplyDeletewe must fall before we can learn to pick ourselves back up, or to simply to learn to take precautions to help prevent ourselves from falling again.
ReplyDelete